February Review: This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel
This is How It Always Is is a beautiful story of childhood, family, and unconditional love, but also one of fear, pain, and feeling out of place in a world that doesn’t always accept us as we are. Laurie Frankel’s novel is loosely based on her own experiences as a parent of a transgender child, and she navigates the storytelling with wisdom, vulnerability, and a willingness to admit that she doesn’t always know what she’s doing or how well she’s doing it.
This story was beautiful in a lot of ways, and heartbreaking in many others. It felt unrealistic at times — often enough to make me wonder if it was actually Frankel’s intention to craft the story in a way that allowed readers to escape into its idealistic, all-accepting narrative — but the consistent anxiety and violent transphobia experienced by these characters are very real and deeply emotional. It is true that few trans people have stories that wrap up as neatly and nicely as this one does. It risks inauthenticity at times.
Overall, the plot and prose were very engaging. I personally loved the way Frankel threaded the fairytale of Grimwauld and Poppy throughout the entire book. Penn is such a wonderful dad. I had a hard time putting this book down because of the wit and cleverness of the family that lightens up so many scenes. It was captivating.
Though it is by no means perfect, I think this book opens doors for some important conversations about the experiences of transgender youth in particular, and the ways that friends and family members can show up and care for them well. I think Rosie and Penn do a great job of (1) admitting that they don’t yet know exactly how to help Poppy, and (2) actively seeking advice and having honest conversations with each other and their child who they so obviously love and care about.
FAVORITE QUOTES
“For my child, for all our children, I want more options, more paths through the woods, wider ranges of normal, and unconditional love.”
“For the moment’s all there is, my darling.”
“He had a harder time helping her out though. He was asleep while she was doing stars. Without wings, he couldn't reach anyways. In the end though what he could give her was better than magic wands and magic frogs and magic lamps. Better and more magical. What he gave her was moral support and unconditional love. He promised to be there for her always, even times when the sky proved too vast and the night was dark because she couldn't kindle all the stars. He would light her way instead, he promised. He would be her Polaris, her celestial navigator, her astral guide. And whenever she came back to Earth, Grumwald promised, he would be there, waiting.”
What were your thoughts about the book? Did you have any questions about the novel or this article? Comment down below and I will be sure to respond to all comments and questions :)
Thank you for participating in February’s Book Club! Check out our Instagram or blog for information about March’s Book Club Pick.
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Find a library near you and check out this book to get started. If you want your own copy, check out these Black-Owned bookstores that offer online ordering. Happy reading!
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